零度空间

Well, this is where my life begin.

After all the twists and twirls, here I am again.

Everything is like yesterday....

　　　　There is still a old cabinet on the corner that I used to climb up to, there's still a wooden chair on the back room that I remembered sitting on and fell down........I remembered how nervous dad and mom were; there is still the family photo in the old frame, look how cute we used to be.Look at the smile I used to have, happiness from deep inside the heart. Now...I smile to impress others...

　　　　When I was young, I used to put together all building blocks and make a big, big house and said, "this is going to be our house in the future, grandpa! It will be very comfortable and luxurious, and I will work hard and earn lots of money........." Haha. A home, a family is not all about the size right? Little kid.

　　　　....Time is cruel.....it can take away everything, a man's age, family, wealth, confident, hope, desires...and finally, strip his soul away from his flesh. How much time does a man have? I don't know. I am a coward when confront the loss of someone. There are people leaving and entering my life each day and I spend my time trying to care about other's feeling, and impressions toward me.....I am very tired. Very tired. Sometimes, I feel like I want to give up everything, and just close my eyes and fall on the ground. My responsiblity is tied to my shoulders....I know I won't be able to remove it, until the second that time eliminates me from the rally. I don't know how much time I still have with you...and I am very scared.....I don't know when you will let go of my hands. I know that...only me, myself, that I can ask help from......there's no one else.....Next time, when I close my eyes, will you take my hands? Or you will just wait for me at the end of the journey? How far is it...?

　　　　What a fool you are...Hahaha................................

　　　　I drove around the riverside park....the quietness was calming. My hands were on the wheel, but my thoughts weren't....I was...thinking.....and remembering.....and trying to forget.........something.

　　　　To, me. You know? If only you can care less about others...you will be so much happier. Why don't you be more selfish???  ...Idiot.

　　　　She said...when will you let your guard down, and speak out? I was silent.

　　　　I thought...I would have a happier life. I don't know........I don't know...............my brain is messed up now....I just want to go back to the past.....I just want to have a good rest......

　　　　P.S. to, me. Smile..........smile.....you are a tough one.....